Voli ain’t the new Vodka!

I love vodka. It is one of the most popular spirits out there – rapper’s know it (Ciroc, Armadale), it comes in hundreds of flavors (Stoli, Smirnoff, and Absolut all make at least 8 different flavors), and it just tastes damn good…when done CORRECTLY!

This is where Voli comes in. Perhaps you have heard a certain mega-star feature it in one of his songs. Perhaps you have seen it on the shelf advertising “lyte” and natural flavors. Maybe you love all things French!

Do me a favor and don’t give that bottle any more consideration, because Voli ain’t the new Vodka – it tastes like shit. Not just any random shit, it tastes like dog shit. Voli ain’t the new vodka.

The price point comes in right around $20 or so, depending on your liquor shop. Don’t waste that Jackson. Buy this, this or even this. Heck, buy 10 $1 scratchers and order a shot of Grey Goose at the bar and call it a nite!

Voli fails on every level of a “superior” vodka (again, ignore price!!!). Taste, as mentioned already, is lacking. In fact, it is extremely bitter, which ruins nearly every drink that it can be mixed with. If you happen to own a bottle of this mess, there is still some salvation left. If you like this vodka, might as well just piss into the bottle after you drink it, because it’s nearly the same taste.

Next on the vodka rating scale is smell – and it smells like ass. Vodka should always have a slight if no scent at all. A catbox smells better.

On the back of the bottle, it lists the following (excerpts to cut the BS):

  • Hand crafted by master distillers in Cognac, France (probably while drunk on Belvedere or the Goose)
  • Voli lyte is a delicate blend of the finest multi-distilled wheat vodka, pure spring water (like the type that springs from a beday). Natural flavors (ass) and electrolytes (distilled Gatorade).
  • For the ladies: 25% fewer calories! Or for the men: Why do we care about calories in vodka??? Or any alcohol for that matter!
  • Delightful nose (bzzz, wrong!), refreshing, natural flavors (wrong again), and smooth finish (when chased with real vodka) make it delicious served chilled, straight up, on the rocks, or mixed in your preferred cocktails (no, no, no and no).

Voli ain’t the new vodka.

Let’s break those serving claims down, shall we? I tried all of the methods of serving (that’s my job, right?). 1st up, straight up. We all know how that turned out. 2nd shot, chilled to the bone – not as bad, but not nearly close to good. 3rd time is a charm right? Out comes the rock glass, in goes the rocks. I felt sorry for the ice swimming in the glass. Still giving it the college try, let’s try preferred cocktails. Screwdriver – can still taste the bitterness of the vodka itself. Raging Bull – Red Bull could not help this. Kamikaze – makes you want to Hara-kiri. After those top 3, I hit the books and tried some more creative drinks. Crocodile, Harvey Wallbanger – no and more no (although Harvey did do a good job nearly covering up the ass taste). Even the high and mighty Martini could not save this alcohol.  I surfed to their site, and tried one of the original recipes listed (Sympathy for the Devil), and while the drink tasted good, it still had that Voli bite to it that would not be there if say, you substitute Grey Goose/Belvedere into the drink (which I did).

The savior for this, which I found today after drinking half the bottle yesterday for nothing (except of course, being drunk) and struggling to finish the second half (thank you spell check btw), is a modified Lemon Drop/Kamikaze combo (an accident more or less). Let’s call it the Kamikaze Drop for now. With this you get all the Vodka punch, with none of the Voli flavor. And it’ll get you drunk. At a good pace no less.

Voli ain’t the new vodka, even though latin might be the new majority. Hehe.

— Dirty

Left to right: Crocodile, Sympathy for the Devil, Shot, Harvey Wallbanger, On The Rocks

 

Notes:

Voli is 30% ABV (10% less than normal Vodka)

Average price: $20

Additional Flavors available: Lemon, Orange Vanilla, Pear Vanilla, Rasberry Cocoa, and Espresso Vanilla (reviews all coming soon)

Be Sociable, Share!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


*