Category Archives: Vodka

No Thunder from down under

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Disclaimer here: I do like plenty of different brands and you will definitely see some reviews of the good stuff don’t worry!. For whatever reason the items I have been coming across lately to add to the excessively large bar I have going on here, just plain stink! But hey, that’s why I am here, to give you the real deal on those items, even on the value deal items like my next headshot target – Australia Boomerang Vodka!

Now this little gem I found while scouring for snacks at Trader Joe’s. It retails for $10 (1st warning sign) and, there was plenty of it sitting there (with accompanying dust, telling me it’s been awhile).  Let’s dig in shall we?

Boomerang says on the bottle it is made from grapes (Yikes!), and not just any old table grapes, they are “Premium Australian Grapes”. Now, there is one other Vodka made from grapes right now…and I will be sharing my opinion on that soon enough, but lemme just say this – GRAPES ARE FOR WINE!!! What’s that? Didn’t catch what I really meant there…well, I will say it again…, slower. GRAPES. ARE. FOR. WINE!!!!! (Added a few more “!” just, ya know, for emphasis). I do not understand this (dying, I hope) trend to make Vodka out of things that are not really meant to be made into Vodka. Please, producers, stop now. Or at the very least, get a larger sample size of taste testers. What’s next? Vodka made from lettuce!!!

Moving on, the bottle also spouts out that it is the 1st luxury vodka from Australia and of course, the ubiquitous “Distilled 5 times”. Some more blah blah blah on the bottle and then the legal stuff we always see.

“Hey Dirty, enough with the bottle already!!!” Okay, okay. Nitty Gritty time.

I ripped the seal and twisted off the cap to get the 1st sniff, and amazingly it smelled decent. Time for the real deal – 1st shot. Yeh, no. Nearly spat it out. $10 Vodka indeed. And this ain’t Russia, with a bajillion Vodka’s for under $10 that DO taste good. Maybe we will find one here (reminds me I need to visit this store I know of…). Boomerang has  a pretty nasty bite to it, but amazingly not too harsh a burn. It is definitely something to that is destined for the mixing shelf, but let’s just see how many buddies it needs to bring along.

First batter up to the task is my best buddy Red Bull. I can’t stand Red Bull outside of pairing it with some alcohol…but that is another story. Vodka Redbull is the usual call for this, but sometimes I hear Raging Bull or Angry Bull too depending on the bar. Right off the bat after pouring you get the normal good taste that this concoction offers. But then that funny bite hits ya and nearly ruins the drink. Too bad, because almost all the rest of the drinks I tried with this were terrible as well.

Next on the line is the working mans drink – the Screwdriver. This drink is the standard-bearer for Vodka in my taste rotations and Boomerang ruined this one. Not only did the OJ fail to mix well with this, Boomerang just returned right to the top, cutting thru all the mixer and punching thru with it’s bite again. Sigh. Let’s move on. Kamikaze time! No bueno. That weird sour grape taste bite just comes thru again and ruins it all. I didn’t waste my time editing to try the Kamikaze Drop. Switching gears I went to another tried and true drink with Vodka, always classy Cosmopolitan. Again, a struggle to put down that sour grape bite. Some modifications with Agave Syrup and a little POM Juice certainly helped, but, with 3 mixers here and still not blending well, that is pretty shameful. For the last drink, I went to one of my shot books and found this pleasure pleaser, Cocaine. As a shooter this drink of course goes down fast, and boy, with quality Vodka this would be fucking awesome (just to test that, I made one with Grey Goose just for kicks). Too bad it is just okay and holds up. Again, maxing out the mixers you would ever want to put in with just one alcohol stinks.

So, Australia, this Boomerang can fly right back to ya. It hit me in the head, but you guys should definitely duck outta the way. One thing for sure tho, like all alcohols, it will get you drunk – so it does have that going for it. And it does come in a nice big 1.75L bottle, so moderately made Jell-o shots could work here too (Hmmmmmm).

Anyways, till next time.

—Dirty

G'day Mates! Bottom of pic to left in a circle: Shot, Cocaine, Vodka Redbull, Screwdriver, Cosmo

Voli ain’t the new Vodka!

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I love vodka. It is one of the most popular spirits out there – rapper’s know it (Ciroc, Armadale), it comes in hundreds of flavors (Stoli, Smirnoff, and Absolut all make at least 8 different flavors), and it just tastes damn good…when done CORRECTLY!

This is where Voli comes in. Perhaps you have heard a certain mega-star feature it in one of his songs. Perhaps you have seen it on the shelf advertising “lyte” and natural flavors. Maybe you love all things French!

Do me a favor and don’t give that bottle any more consideration, because Voli ain’t the new Vodka – it tastes like shit. Not just any random shit, it tastes like dog shit. Voli ain’t the new vodka.

The price point comes in right around $20 or so, depending on your liquor shop. Don’t waste that Jackson. Buy this, this or even this. Heck, buy 10 $1 scratchers and order a shot of Grey Goose at the bar and call it a nite!

Voli fails on every level of a “superior” vodka (again, ignore price!!!). Taste, as mentioned already, is lacking. In fact, it is extremely bitter, which ruins nearly every drink that it can be mixed with. If you happen to own a bottle of this mess, there is still some salvation left. If you like this vodka, might as well just piss into the bottle after you drink it, because it’s nearly the same taste.

Next on the vodka rating scale is smell – and it smells like ass. Vodka should always have a slight if no scent at all. A catbox smells better.

On the back of the bottle, it lists the following (excerpts to cut the BS):

  • Hand crafted by master distillers in Cognac, France (probably while drunk on Belvedere or the Goose)
  • Voli lyte is a delicate blend of the finest multi-distilled wheat vodka, pure spring water (like the type that springs from a beday). Natural flavors (ass) and electrolytes (distilled Gatorade).
  • For the ladies: 25% fewer calories! Or for the men: Why do we care about calories in vodka??? Or any alcohol for that matter!
  • Delightful nose (bzzz, wrong!), refreshing, natural flavors (wrong again), and smooth finish (when chased with real vodka) make it delicious served chilled, straight up, on the rocks, or mixed in your preferred cocktails (no, no, no and no).

Voli ain’t the new vodka.

Let’s break those serving claims down, shall we? I tried all of the methods of serving (that’s my job, right?). 1st up, straight up. We all know how that turned out. 2nd shot, chilled to the bone – not as bad, but not nearly close to good. 3rd time is a charm right? Out comes the rock glass, in goes the rocks. I felt sorry for the ice swimming in the glass. Still giving it the college try, let’s try preferred cocktails. Screwdriver – can still taste the bitterness of the vodka itself. Raging Bull – Red Bull could not help this. Kamikaze – makes you want to Hara-kiri. After those top 3, I hit the books and tried some more creative drinks. Crocodile, Harvey Wallbanger – no and more no (although Harvey did do a good job nearly covering up the ass taste). Even the high and mighty Martini could not save this alcohol.  I surfed to their site, and tried one of the original recipes listed (Sympathy for the Devil), and while the drink tasted good, it still had that Voli bite to it that would not be there if say, you substitute Grey Goose/Belvedere into the drink (which I did).

The savior for this, which I found today after drinking half the bottle yesterday for nothing (except of course, being drunk) and struggling to finish the second half (thank you spell check btw), is a modified Lemon Drop/Kamikaze combo (an accident more or less). Let’s call it the Kamikaze Drop for now. With this you get all the Vodka punch, with none of the Voli flavor. And it’ll get you drunk. At a good pace no less.

Voli ain’t the new vodka, even though latin might be the new majority. Hehe.

— Dirty

Left to right: Crocodile, Sympathy for the Devil, Shot, Harvey Wallbanger, On The Rocks

 

Notes:

Voli is 30% ABV (10% less than normal Vodka)

Average price: $20

Additional Flavors available: Lemon, Orange Vanilla, Pear Vanilla, Rasberry Cocoa, and Espresso Vanilla (reviews all coming soon)